


What happens next?

by SybilRae_Rossetti42



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Amnesia, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Spoilers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Steve Rogers, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Slash, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-14
Updated: 2014-06-23
Packaged: 2018-01-24 16:53:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1612394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SybilRae_Rossetti42/pseuds/SybilRae_Rossetti42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after Winter Soldier movie. When Bucky comes to Steve for help he has to decide what exactly what to do. Should he tell others who might want to hurt his friend? Or try to go at it alone with no idea where to start helping the man who was once Bucky Barnes. Mentions/Implied past Steve/Bucky at the beginning, and slowly going towards that relationship again later on in the story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The man who once was him.

“I told you things would begin to blow over. Everyone loves a true American hero.” A shadow of a smile played across Natasha’s face. As was typical she was taking everything in stride, her specific power that she brought to the team was most certainly true level headedness in the face of total and utter insanity. Steve tried to remain calm but he knew he could never beat KGB spy training. 

“I already told him that, but obviously it sounds better coming from her.” Sam said smiling at the waitress as he handed her his sighed check. “Pretty sure you two are gonna bankrupt me if we keep going out, we’re gonna have to start cooking.”

“If by we, you mean you.” Natasha said taking her coat off the back of the chair.

“You’re not supposed to tell him Nat.” Steve said with a laugh. “Everyone knows if we don’t want to cook we would just have to cut all the vegetables and pretend. All while he does the work.”

“Oh ha-ha. You two just show up and look pretty, I am sure that’s gonna prove very challenging for you both.” He called back as he headed towards his car. “See ya later!”

“Bye Sam. What about you Nat? Are also abandoning me to a night of fighting with my television remote to watch the apparently millions of iconic films I seemed to have missed?” She laughed softly.

“Sorry, sadly I can’t tonight. That does sound more fun though.”

“That’s alright; I’ll bring one to watch when Sam makes us dinner.

“Good plan. Night Captain.” He waved watching her walk to the valet station; even though she could very obviously protect herself he still couldn’t shake his training that you see a girl off for the night. She had basically laughed in his face when he said it, but then thanked him for his concern, so now most of the time he would only watch for a minute before heading on his way. He knew it was dumb, but it felt like what you do when you care about someone. This time could be so crushingly lonely when he let himself think about it, at least now he knew he had friends. Having them certainly helped him to feel less out of place. Yet even so there were times he missed just being normal, something he knew would never happen again. In this time he was Captain America and as far as he could tell that wasn’t changing anytime soon and Captain America certainly could never have the same life as he had when he was simply Steve Rogers.

He threw his leg over the motorcycle and pulled the helmet over his head. It didn’t matter honestly. No amount of moping would bring him back to the 40s, nor would it make him feel at home in the 21st century. Instead he would just work harder to create his own place that could, eventually, really feel like his life. There were so many things that were better in this time he had no idea why he couldn’t seem to enjoy them, he still felt like a visitor who didn’t quit fit in yet.

“Welcome back.” He said out loud dropping his keys on the table and walking to the small living room. Living alone was another of the many things he had to really get used to. Before this it had been years since he lived on his own, he always had his…He couldn’t let himself think about that, not now. He stared down at the multiple remotes, which he had long since labeled in order to stop messing them up, and began to run through the steps in his head that would get the light to flick to life on the screen in front of him. It was only as he reached for the one which turned on the cable that he became aware of the eyes on him.

Steve jumped up ready to attack until he managed to glimpse his would be attacker. He knew he shouldn’t drop his guard but for some reason he let his arms slide down slightly. The man before him looked hallow and sunken regardless of that his heart jumped to his throat. In no world did Steve really believe he would hurt the other man.

“Bucky.” He could feel the air leaving his lungs. Days ago he had thought he’d lost everything from his life, besides the occasional relative of a friend there was no one left. That had changed and somehow here was his best friend, his…The person who meant the most to him in the world was standing feet from him. The same man he watched fall to his death was watching him decide what to do next. As an added bonus his friend didn’t seem to be actively trying to kill him either. It felt strange to think but it was a welcome relief. He reached forward to his apparent companion, who jumped back like a cat from water causing shadows to almost completely hide him once more.

He had never seen Bucky fear anything. In all their years of friendship he had always been Steve’s protector, his rock in life when everything else was falling to pieces. His Bucky would have thrown himself in front of a moving train if it meant Steve would be okay. He had sat by Steve’s side through so many illnesses and traumas. He had cared about Steve without question and with complete love. He could almost see that man in front of him. Even as he stared at Steve like he was a monster, an enemy. Steve felt bile rising in his throat.

“No touching. I promise.” He said putting his hands to his sides to show he wasn’t lying. “Are you okay? I thought I’d have to search for you. Buck I…” There were just too many words which all tried to leave his mouth at once that he was sure nothing came out. It was hard to think exactly what to say to someone he had needed so badly who also had no clue who Steve was to him. “You clearly don’t remember me, but I’m glad you’re here.” Bucky tensed slightly then seemed to reconsider moving farther away. He leaned against the doorway, wide blue eyes scanning the room repeatedly before reaching into a pocket. He held something out not fully making eye contact. Steve moved slowly to take the folded paper, his fingers grazed the smooth metal of his friend’s hand but clearly Buck couldn’t feel this as he didn’t pull away.

A museum pamphlet. The one from the exhibit.

“Did you go?” Steve asked flipping through to look at the images. “Did you see the part about you?” Bucky’s eyes bore into him with unfamiliar intensity.

“There was a lot about Sergeant Barnes.” Steve felt his stomach twist again and he looked back down to the pictures that covered the paper in his hand, so many memories all in one tiny book.

“You’re Sergeant Barnes, Buck…”He looked up surprised to find he was along once more. “Bucky?” Steve searched the apartment quickly though he knew what he was going to find.

He breathed in slowly through his nose feeling pinpricks sting his eyes. Much as it hurt that his best friend had run, he couldn’t help feeling something almost like happiness. Even with no reason to trust him Bucky had come to him. Steve let himself smile wiping his cheek quickly. You know you can come to me always Buck, he thought, and that means more to me than you realize. When he had nothing he had Bucky, so now that Bucky was in the same position Steve was going to ensure that Bucky had him. He pushed himself off the couch folding the pamphlet and pressing it into his pocket. He looked around the room with a sigh. He was suddenly exhausted and somehow knew he wasn’t going to sleep that night. He had been so sure he’d have to look for Bucky after what had happened on the helicarrier, yet he’d come on his own. That gave Steve hope. Seeing that fearful, sad man who had once been his Bucky gave him a glimmer of hope that the Winter Soldier would be that man again.


	2. Searching.

“What are you so chipper about today?” Steve rolled his eyes as he entered the lab.

“What kind of way of asking why I’m having a good day is that Stark?”

“That’s what he meant Steve.” Bruce assured him from the table where he and Tony were looking over some sort of blueprint.

“I know.” With everything that happened with S.H.I.E.L.D. in the last few days he was actually genuinely happy to see the other avengers. “It’s being around you Tony, always puts me in a good mood.”

“Good old 40s values of yours, you are always so damn kind. Saying cheerful things and looking pretty.” Tony indicated a seat at the table. “So the Winter Soldier knows you, that’s more than a little crazy.” Steve thought about the man who had been lurking in the shadows of his apartment last night. No matter how glad he was to see his best friend alive he was still scared. Of course he could never be nearly as afraid as Bucky looked. He longed for the man in those pictures, smiling and sarcastic Bucky Barnes who would have known exactly what to do if it was him in this situation. At least that was how Steve had felt when they were young, he knew they had honestly both been winging most of the time and that didn’t matter so long as the other was alright.

“He was your friend right? The one that died during the war?” Bruce asked Steve nodded slightly.

“That’s correct Banner, evidentially the Winter Soldier is James Buchanan Barnes .” Natasha entered the room closely followed by Clint Barton. She dropped a handful of files on the table. “This is everything that we have on the Winter Soldier. He’s an assassin. A very good one, but only a pawn of HYDRA it seems.” Steve was only half listening as he leafed through the papers. Years of deaths potentially linked to the Winter Soldier. So many people had been hurt by the people using his best friend as a weapon. Even if Bucky could get back the memories he had lost would he also have to remember all of this? Could Steve possibly pull out that honest man he had always known and loved if this was a part of him?

“What do you think Captain?” He looked up to find all the eyes in the room were focused on him.

“Sorry, what?”

“You were close to him, is he like you?” Barton asked for what must have been the second time.

“I think so, sort of, they clearly used a similar process for him. I mean he lived through being frozen and clearly can’t be hurt easily. I also think his arm may be made out of the same stuff as my shield.”

“That is probably right.” Nat agreed. “From what I could tell fighting him, and by reputation, I assume he isn’t just some well-trained guy.”

“Well I for one see no reason why HYDRA would keep him if he was.” Tony said thoughtfully. “Those people are like scary stories my dad used to tell me, boogiemen. He’s got to be manipulated in some way if he constantly lives through mind wipes like that.” He was so rarely not sarcastic and joking that often Steve didn’t see it, but when Tony let himself just sound intelligent suddenly he could see Howard Stark in his son. “Whats our play though? If this guy is dangerous we’ve gotta find him.” Everyone nodded their agreement. Steve knew perfectly well what he should do at this second. They had to know Bucky…The Winter Soldier had been at his house last night. They didn’t seem like they wanted to hurt him…Still Steve found himself thinking twice before speaking. His fingers slide into his pocket to run across the pamphlet.

“Captain what do you have there?” He held it out to Natasha, who half smiled in the way everyone does when they are actually feeling pity. “You didn’t go back again did you?”

“Call it nostalgia.”

“I went not too long ago, I am sorry about your friend it’s obvious you were close.” Trust Bruce to be the nice one in any situation, it did always make it hard for Steve to remember this man turned into a giant monster.

“Thanks. I want to help however I can, but I can’t…” He was suddenly fully aware of all of the eyes on him. “Can I step out for a minute? I just need to clear my head.” Sympathy. Steve had spent so much of his life dealing with other people’s sympathy. For his parents, for his short comings, for the loss of his best friend, for being stuck in the future…He never thought he’d get that look again for Bucky.

Steve had never been much of a drinker, but it was moments like these he wished he could drown out all the buzzing in his head. He wasn’t even sure where he was going until he was standing in front of the graveyard. Ever since he’d returned he’d visited this grave, come here to talk about whatever was hardest at the moment. He came there because Bucky would understand without the awful sympathy look. Growing up everyone had always treated him like glass, with fear and pity, even when he was determined to do something on his own no one ever wanted to let him. No one except Bucky. Sure his best friend had always been there and would have dropped anything to help Steve, but somehow he always made it seem like he came from a place of support not a crutch. With Bucky he had always felt normal instead of broken.

That was why he had come to sit by the grave. Everyone expected this certain type of person when they saw him all because of how he looked. Steve didn’t want all these people who always perceived him as strong because he looked it. He wanted the one person who had seen his strength even when he weighed 98 pounds. He had hoped Bucky was somewhere good where he could hear him talking, but apparently the world had to take that from him just like everything else in recent years.

“I know you’re not really here, but…” He scrubbed his face. “I should go back and tell them about last night. Why the heck am I hiding that?” He knew the answer even as he said it. Through all his struggles Bucky had been a willing listener and companion. When Steve had seen him he knew he had to help, it’s what they did for each other even if Bucky didn’t remember that. “Well I hope you let me help at least.” He jumped slightly when his phone ringer broke the otherwise silence around him.

“Hey man.” Sam.

“Did Nat call you?”

“How do you know I didn’t just wanna talk?”

“What did she tell you?”

“You know stuff. Regardless of that, I apparently have free time today, so I was thinking since superheros seem to have infinite free time when they’re not being attacked you might want to hang out.”

“Look that is a lovely offer but I’ve had a…”

“Complicated? Crappy? Outright terrible? I don’t care what kinda day you had, there is nothing a bad action flick can’t fix.”

“Sam I appreciate…”

“Fine if you would rather see a rom-com, I’ve never gone to one with just another dude…”

“Okay stop. I’ll be there in like 20 minutes alright?”

“Sounds good.” Steve couldn’t help smiling. Thank you guys, he thought. He had no idea what he did to make some higher power happy, but he was grateful to always have fantastic friends. He swung his leg over his bike and headed towards the theater.

“I can’t believe you made me see that.” Sam said as the credits began to roll. “I was kidding about seeing this type of movie.”

“It wasn’t a…What was it you called it?”

“Rom-com.”

“It wasn’t that. The movie was like a comedy, actually about romance that’s a thing right? Not just a stupid overly pretend romance thing like the other Rom-coms you made me watch.”

“Yeah it wasn’t like that. It was still kinda sappy though.” He said leaning against a wall as they exited the building. “Though you obviously needed it today. Wanna talk about it?” Steve was ready to blow him off.

“I know everything has been hard for you recently, and we only became friends like ten minutes ago compared to others. But I still wanna make sure you’re alright.”

“Walk with me, it’s really complicated.”

“That worries me.” Sam said sympathetically squeezing his arm. “Lead on, I’m more than happy to listen.” Steve took in a deep breath of cold outside air pushing his hand through his hair.

“We started to talk about the Winter Soldier with the others.” He didn’t really know where he was going with this comment and when Sam wasn’t questioning he continued. “They all looked at me wanting to know my opinion on this…” He wished his chest would stop hurting it was starting to feel like it had years ago when he still had asthma attacks, but with his heart beating so fast it seemed unlikely to stop aching anytime soon. “They were talking about this unknown villain that we had to know to defeat. No matter what I can’t see him that way.”

“Obviously not.”

“No, he was my best friend in the whole world.” He was my everything. “He isn’t a monster you know?”

“Of course he wasn’t Steve. You have to remember that was over sixty years ago.” Steve pressed his eyes closed momentarily. Obviously he was right. Steve had looked at those files and he knew that nothing was the same. “I’m not saying he’s a monster Steve, even if he’s different.” Had that man last night been the man Steve always needed growing up?

“I didn’t know what to say so I left. I watched him die. I cared about him with every part of me Sam. I lost a man I had known since I was a kid. A man who was always there for me. He was gone and I had come to terms with that.”

“That’s rough. Sounds like you were close. I mean looks like that as well. I went to the museum.” Steve instinctively reached into his pocket again.

“There are some good pictures there; it was both amazing and depressing at the same time.” Steve had stayed for hours staring at every picture and caption that had attempted to summarize his life which had hurt more than he could imagine. He longed for the 1940s where his life had felt perfect…Well at least it had been good enough for them….Things weren’t really as perfect as history always tried to portray them, but he had been happy for the most part.

“I’m sorry.” Was all he said.

“Don’t be Sam.”

“Why? Isn’t that my right as your friend?”

“If I tell you something will you promise you won’t turn around and tell Nat?” Sam screwed up his face.

“Will I get in trouble?”

“I don’t know. Promise?” Sam seemed to consider arguing, but to Steve's relief he changed his mind.

"I hope I don't regret this, but I promise."


	3. One Step Forward

“Bucky came to my house last night.”

“Holy shit Steve…”

“He didn’t do anything. He talked to me briefly and then he left. That’s why I left. I got nervous talking to the others about someone I saw recently.”

“Steve I can’t believe you didn’t tell anyone that.”

“I couldn’t. If I had said something they might have…I don’t know.”

“No you don’t. They aren’t looking for him because…They want to help Steve.”

“Do you know that for sure? He’s obviously dangerous. He seemed to want to talk to me then changed his mind.” Maybe I can find him again and see what he wanted before I sick the other avengers on him, Steve thought.

“I get where you’re coming from. I really do. It just seems risky.” Sam said in a bracing tone. Steve could tell he sounded crazy; any sane person he knew shouldn’t, and probably couldn’t, handle this on their own. Still he couldn’t shake the feeling that no one else would be able to do anything besides hurt the man they only saw as the Winter Soldier. They all had people they cared about, they would have to understand.

“You didn’t see him last night Sam. He was really scared, he’s lost and we both know that I can help him.” He could hear desperation seeping into his voice, and evidentially so could Sam.

“Okay fine I get why you didn’t tell. Fair warning the others are gonna lose it when they find out. You're my friend so I know I won't say anything.” Sam said with a tired smile. Steve knew they wouldn't be pleased, that was why he left the meeting earlier. He could feel himself wanting to do the right thing, which was confessing that he had seen his best friend. It felt so much like talking about a criminal and Steve wasn’t ready for that to be true even though he knew it was.

“I can deal with them”

“That sounds super macho.” Steve smiled at his friends comment, it still took him by surprise at times that anything could sound macho coming out of his mouth. He always expected to be laughed at, then he remembered he wasn’t small anymore and somehow that made people treat him with more respect.

“I don’t mean I’m going to hurt them. I will just have to appeal to their humanity. I know I can count on them when it comes to that.”

“If you say so man. Just, I don’t know, call if you need anything cause I know what you are going through. At least I can try to help; It’s sort of what I do. I work with people who have gone through war traumas. I get this has been really hard for you. Losing a friend is tough on the best of days, but sometimes getting them back can be worst. At least it can be harder at first. If anyone can break brainwashing with crazy optimism and kindness it’s you Steve.”

“That might have been insulting, but thank you. Also thanks for dragging me to the movies it actually helped.”

“Anytime man. That’s what friends are for.”

As Sam left home seemed like the best plan of action. It wasn’t extremely late, still somehow he couldn’t shake feeling that all he wanted to do was curl up in bed for the night. He knew it was all emotional since he couldn’t truly get tired out when he had done nothing, not anymore. When he was a kid he often felt like fatigued after a day of sitting around the house!

He arrived at the apartment and flopped down to the couch reaching into his pocket to pull out his cell phone. Of course she’d called; he had run out on them earlier so it figured she would be trying to find him.

“Sorry.”

“We do get it Captain. We can see this is not an easy subject. None the less we are going to need your help eventually. Can you handle that?”

“Yes, it was just too much today. I promise.”

“I know. We have some sightings that are recent enough to be viable leads. Most likely they will be nothing real. If I emailed them to you could you help? I would appreciate if you could look them over and give your opinion.” Sightings? Well he definitely had one…

“Absolutely. You guys know that finding him is important to me.” At least that much wasn’t a lie, he’d give anything to find Bucky again.

“That would be why I know I can count on you.” She said. He felt guilty withholding anything from her. Natasha was a good person who was generally trying to help him.

“You can. Thanks for understanding.”

“Well you keep saying that’s what friends do correct?” There was an almost sarcastic tone to her voice. He laughed in spite of himself.

“Exactly. I’ll look over the email tonight Nat.”

“You’ll be there tomorrow Captain?” He nodded before remembering that obviously she couldn’t see him.

“Tomorrow, I promise.”

“Later.” She hung up before he could respond.

“Okay now Steve what do we do?” He said to himself. Eating, he decided, he probably hadn’t done much of that today. He didn’t seem to be able to keep track of such trivial things today. Reluctantly he went into the kitchen.

He hadn’t even realized how long he had been sitting in front of the television until he heard an unfamiliar noise coming from somewhere within his apartment. At first he thought it was in the movie, but somehow how he doubted that “Street Car Named Desire” featured a strangely muffled electronic buzzing sound as a part of the soundtrack. He pressed pause stopping the image on the screen and the sound continued. It seemed to be coming from the hallway. As he rounded the corner he spotted a small object, its glowing face illuminating the under part of the table it had apparently been dropped beneath. Steve grabbed the phone quickly before whoever was calling had a chance to hang up.

“Who is this?”

“I am surprised you’re not more careful Captain. That phone could have been a bomb.” Though it still had a hollowness he could almost hear Bucky when the Winter Soldier spoke this time. It had a certain sound that was almost comfortingly familiar.

“Is it?”

“No. It is a peace offering. You want to talk to me and I want to understand.” Bucky explained as Steve fell back against the wall balling his fist into the loose fabric of his sweatpants. He had to control his emotions which threatened to pour out at any moment. He couldn’t let them, not now. He had to keep Bucky talking.

“What can I do to help?”

“I want to ask questions. My brain feels like a leaking pipe where memories drip, in no real order, back into my subconscious mind and…”

“You want context?” That was something Steve knew he would be able to provide. He would be more than happy to help Bucky remember.

“Not exactly. I don’t want you to tell me anything.”

“What do you mean?” Steve asked. Bucky breathed in slowly before explaining.

“Everything was wiped from my mind apparently, and only what they told me was allowed to be true. I want to find my own truth, only the memories that come back to me on their own. I do not want to have someone new to implant them.” He sounded sad and Steve wished that he could see the other man on the phone, wished he could wrap his arms around him and make the clearly confusing pain go away. Of course he couldn’t. All he could do was help in whatever way Bucky needed, he couldn’t let him run again and for that reason he would do anything.

“That makes sense. You want me to answer your questions about whatever comes back to you?”

“I left you that phone so we could; I guess contact each other if needed. I don’t want to talk to you on any other line that way there will not be anyone monitoring our conversations.” Paranoid as it sounded Bucky was correct. Steve knew it was the best plan; his friends were looking for Bucky and no doubt countless other people. They had to be careful at all costs.

“I’ll keep it with me. Do you have anything you want…I mean do you remember anything?”

“Were you smaller?” The tone was almost exactly the same as last time Bucky had asked him that same question. Steve couldn’t help laughing.

“Yes, a lot smaller actually.”

“Did you love Sergeant Barnes?” Bucky asked. His stomach knotted so tightly he was afraid he might throw up. It felt so wrong hearing those words in Bucky’s voice with little attachment to their meaning. Still he had said he would answer.

“I love him…I mean you. I have always loved you Bucky.” He wasn’t used to the lack of response, just breathing on the other line as his friend considered these words. Steve clutched harder to the fabric balled in his fist, tears sliding silently down his cheek no matter how much he wished they wouldn’t right now.

“Were you two…” His friend started. Without meaning to a sob escaped Steve’s lips before he could stop it. He covered his mouth quickly breathing through his nose to stop himself from crying.

“Sorry.” He said with as much control as he could muster.

“It is fine. What I meant to say was, were we in love? Were we together?” Bucky finished. Steve hardly allowed himself to breath. That simple change in word choice washed over him with more impact than he wanted to admit. The Winter Soldier may not have truly known why but he had shown Steve that Bucky was still there. Bucky would never have hurt him on purpose, and because of that he had changed the questions to be about them. Together…Bucky would know that their relationship had always been important. At least Steve hoped he knew that still.

“Yes, we were together for many years before the war. Somewhat during it as well.”

“I am sorry.”

“For what?”

“I cannot remember yet. I can just tell that I should say it.” Bucky said, Steve actually laughed scrubbing his hand across his face.

“I already forgive you. That’s just how we are.”

“If I asked you to meet me somewhere would you?”

“I would.” Steve said without hesitation.

“You’re either very brave or very stupid Captain.”

“Many have accused me of both, you included.”

“I will let you know where it is safe next time I call.” Silence again. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome Bucky.” I love you he thought as the line went dead. Steve curled his fingers around the tiny device his mind moving at a million thoughts a second. Keep fighting Buck; he thought with a smile, I know you are winning because you’re the strongest person I have ever known. He pushed off the wall swaying slightly with the type of fatigue he hadn’t experienced in a long time. He steadied himself and walked towards his bedroom to do the only thing he could think of at that moment, sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am working on doing a full outline for this one, at the moment I have five chapters, but there will be a few more. Probably only like eight tops. I have to type up what I have so probably have that out next week. Thanks for reading everyone!


	4. Home

As Natasha had suspected most of the supposed sightings had led to one dead end after another. It took a lot to act disappointed. He knew they were trying to find him. One thing he had learned for sure in the past week was that wherever Bucky was hiding he was doing a damn good job. Of course this fact seemed to dishearten the rest of the Avengers members, who seemed increasingly sure that the Winter Soldier was dangerous. Steve desperately wished he could argue them, but he couldn’t help wondering what exactly Bucky was doing right now. The only thing he was glad to be constantly assured of was the fact that Bucky was in alive somewhere.

“Honestly though, what exactly is the plan when we catch this guy?” Tony’s voice pulled Steve out of his own thoughts as the dark haired man entered the room clearly talking to the other Avenger. “I hate to admit that the captain is nearly indestructible, but you know he actually is. We saw what happened to him I can’t imagine we would all fair that much better.”

“We managed to keep Loki in a cell, he only got out because of manipulation and I’m fairly certain the Winter Soldier won’t be better than Loki in that department.” Bruce said with a shrug. “We’ll see what the man is like when we find him.” They both looked in Steve’s direction.

“He wasn’t particularly lucid when I fought him. Just sort of hyper focused, so he probably won’t attempt to get out without a reason.” From his more recent interactions Steve was sure that was true. Bucky had seemed more confused than likely to hurt someone, of course he had only spoken to him when he wanted to be seen. Much as Steve didn’t want to think it he knew it was possible, likely actually, that his best friend wouldn’t react well to someone trying to approach him. “When we do locate him I think I should be the one to bring him in.”

“Do you think he’ll react more positively to you Steve?” Bruce asked.

“Didn’t you say he hesitated to kill you?” Natasha interjected as she walked over to where they were sitting. “From everything I know about the Winter Soldier if he doesn’t kill you there is a reason to assume he saw something in you captain.”

“He had a moment of recognition did he not?” Steve nodded at Agent Barton. “That could mean he will regain his suppressed memories, which logically means Captain Rogers should be the one to approach. People in general respond best to familiars.”

“As long as you can handle capturing your friend captain, I saw you also hesitate when fighting.” Logical Natasha, as always. Steve knew he would have trouble seeing them lock up someone he loved as much as Bucky, but he also could see it may be for the best. If Bucky were stuck in one place maybe Steve could help his friend come back.

“Of course I can. I want to see him come back, and I doubt that will happen completely without us intervening.” Everyone besides Nat seemed satisfied with this answer and returned to working.

“What is wrong with you recently?” She asked Steve started to open his mouth when she held up a hand. “Don’t tell me your whole he was my best friend and you two were inseparable sob story like you do with everyone else. I know that’s true but that isn’t the problem.”

“I have no idea what you…”

“Do you know where he is captain? I would understand your want to protect him, but I would also be disappointed if you were hiding that from us.” She said as he felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

“I really don’t know where he is Nat. Honest.”

“Which means you have spoken to him correct?” She was looking right at him, somehow he knew lying to her would make zero difference.

“Yes, I never found him though, he always finds me.”

“So he wouldn’t be that far from here.” She seemed to almost be speaking to herself. “Thank you for telling me Steve. If you find him will you tell us?” He thought for a second before answering, even though he already knew what he would say.

“Probably not. I want to talk to him first.”

“You can’t seriously think going anywhere near the Winter Soldier alone is a good idea. The guy we fought was not your war buddy.”

“I know.”

“So don’t be stupid. Don’t meet him anywhere by yourself.”

“If I bring Sam will that be alright?” He asked with a half-smile.

“With Sam you’re not alone as far as I know. Yes bring Sam; I would really like you to let me come.” It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Natasha, because he truly did, but he couldn’t shake the feeling less was more in this situation.

“Let me get the rapport and make sure he knows we are trustworthy first. After that I promise.”

“Sam knew didn’t he?”

“Why?”

“I could tell he had something he was keeping from me when we spoke. Are you intending to answer that?”

“May I?” He asked she waved a hand at him. “Thanks, I’ll keep you informed.” He started to walk out of the room pulling the phone from his pocket. “Hello?”

“Are you somewhere you can talk?” For the Winter Soldier that almost seemed to be a greeting.

"I am now. Is everything alright?”

“That is a complicated question.” He answered causing Steve to smile.

“I suppose it is. Okay is how are you a better one?”

“Yes.” He paused. “I feel better than I did, though no less confused.” It was a very honest thing to say.

“I would imagine not. The Avengers, the people I work with, they’re looking for you.”

“Will they find me?”

“They might.”

“Will you let them?” Bucky sounded scared, and Steve felt bad that he knew the answer because it felt a bit like betraying the others.

“Not if you don’t want me too.” They were his friends, but this was different.

“I’m not sure yet.” He said. “Everyone seems to be looking for me.”

“HYDRA?”

“They know they will not find me easily. The longer it has been since they froze me the harder it will be.”

“Why is that?”

“I have longer to gain my own thoughts, when I am perfectly programmed they know where I would hide.” Programmed? Steve laid his head back against the wall letting out a breath he hadn’t been consciously holding. He hated thinking of what they must have done to him so many times over. At the same time it was the only reason he was here for Steve to be talking to him, so in some strange way he was almost grateful. It gave him and Bucky a second chance and he was not going to squander it.

“I’m happy to hear you’re safe right now.”

“I am but um…” He sputtered, it sounded oddly normal to lose words. “I do need something; I will send you an address. Can you come here?”

“I said I would.” He looked at the text and felt his stomach flutter. “Do you know where you are?”

“It felt safe.”

“I’ll be there soon I promise.”

“Thank you Captain.”

“Of course Bucky, bye.” He stowed the phone and turned into the room. “Hey Tony is there any way you happen to be going to New York today?” The other man looked up thinking for a second.

“I’m not, but Pepper is if you wanted a ride.”

“I’d appreciate it.” Steve said “I just have to stop and pick up my friend Sam.” He looked over to Natasha who nodded her acknowledgement.

It didn’t take long to get to the private airfield and onto the small plane. Previous to the war Steve had barely traveled anywhere and still found it crazy how so many people went to and from cities hundreds of miles apart without even blinking an eye. Sam was turned sideways in his seat with headphones on reading a book, but Steve couldn’t seem to get comfortable despite the obvious luxury of the plane.

“What brings you to New York in such a hurry Captain Rogers?” The other occupant of the plane asked him sinking down to the seat opposite him.

“Please call me Steve.” She smiled at him.

“Of course, sorry Steve.” He had only met Pepper Potts a few times; she was always kind to him. She seemed caring but stern, exactly the kind of person he would assume could keep Tony in his place, a noble cause if ever he had heard one.

“I’m following a lead actually.”

“One connected to the Winter Soldier? Tony said you knew him before. That he was like you, from the past I mean.”

“That’s correct. We were best friends for most of our lives. I thought he died during the war and it was…Well I rode a plane into the ice so that probably says a lot about my state of mind after it happened.” He said it with sarcasm, but he knew in some way it was true. The thought had crossed his mind when he crashed. He remembered thinking at least he would stop feeling the horrible ache of missing him. Pepper was watching him curiously and smiled with sympathy.

“From what I read at your exhibit it was probably quit a blow.” She said. “Where are you going in New York?”

“Brooklyn. The apartment building we shared isn’t there anymore, but there is apparently a different one in the same place. The one with the same number as ours is opened so I thought maybe he would go there. That he might feel like it was somewhere safe, or you know…” It was a place where they were allowed to be themselves without the world seeing. Where he could fall asleep with barely any clothing on, Bucky’s strong arms around him letting the stress of the day just melt away. Where they were home. “I thought it might seem familiar.”

“This must be really hard Steve.”

“It is. I just want to find him so I can keep him safe even if he always thought that was his job.” This made her laugh.

“I understand that. I would feel exactly the same way if it were Tony.” He felt his cheeks flush.

“I mean that’s, well it’s different though.” He stammered. She raised an eyebrow.

“Is it? We would both do anything for someone we clearly love.”

“I guess it’s not.”

“Right we both have complicated relationships where you love the other person enough to put aside any flaws.” This time Steve smiled at her.

“That sounds accurate. Ours actually used to be less complicated in some ways. Then not in others.”

“I would imagine it would still have challenges for you given the years.” She really was both calming and extremely perceptive which made him feel like he could say anything. No wonder Tony liked her so much, she could probably see the real him despite his best deflection efforts.

“At times it certainly was.” He agreed.

“How long were you roommates?” She asked with a glint in her blue eyes.

“We started living together at 18.”

“But?”

“Before, as teenagers.” He wished his cheeks weren’t burning so hot; it was the closest he had ever come to saying anything out loud to anyone who wasn’t Bucky. It seemed crazy that the person he had this conversation with first would be Tony’s…Girlfriend? Now that he thought about it he wasn’t sure they were dating. Complicated, right.

“Does anyone know?” He shook his head. “Your secrets safe with me. I’m pretty good at keeping them.” She placed her hand over his and squeezed lightly. “I hope you find him.”

“Thanks, so do I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
